Living with depression isn’t easy. It’s very important for people that are close to you to show you acceptance and understanding that you need if they are keen to help you. Unfortunately, that is not the case in some instances. Even though nowadays people have a bit more of understanding and awareness of chronic mental disorders, some of them could still be a bit inconsiderate or plainly said – a bit ignorant about how we feel.
Therefore, I compiled a list of 10 things I have personally heard said to me from either people close to me or people I care about. As you can probably figure out at first it really bothered me and I felt extremely ashamed of my disorder, but slowly, I understood, it’s really not my job to educate anyone about MY depression.
I still want to spread awareness and educate people about it, but I’d like to avoid any kind of putting my own depression as an example as there are no two identical cases of depression. Yeah, it can be similar, but not ever the same. Anyways: I’m beyond the point of trying to validate my own depression to other people – if you suffering from this illness – DO NOT EVER feel like you need to clarify something for someone. They can educate themselves.
So, this post will be my contribution to spreading the word and I hope it’s helpful either for you to relate to or if you know somebody with depression, you’ll know what NOT to say.
What do you have to be depressed about?
It’s not what I have to be depressed about, it’s that I’ve got a mental disease going by the name of depression or depressive mental disorder. It’s not about anything. The causes are so different for every single person. There might even not be a clear cause, it could just be lots of different smaller or bigger things. Please, stop being insensitive and either educate yourself or be quiet if you don’t know anything about another person’s struggle.
Your reason is not valid enough, there are so many people that have it worse than you.
Same thing. Leave. Just leave and rethink your life, because other people problems don’t make my problems disappear or make me forget or deal better with the abuse I possibly endured. It’s like if you broke your leg, it doesn’t really help you much when you will hear a story about when you’re friend broke all their limbs at once. I mean it’s sad, but it won’t make your leg heal faster.
Don’t overthink this.
Easier said than done? Yeah. But most of the time over thinking isn’t even a problem. Depression is. Repressed emotions are.
Just take some pills and get on with this.
It’s my decision if I’m going to meditate and which option of medicating myself I will choose. So stop interfering. Unless you think I might hurt myself or someone else. Then yes, you will have to report it. But otherwise – STOP. For the love of God, just stop. You are being really ignorant and it all comes out very invasive onto my life. It’s. My. Decision. All I need is support and encouragement to get better. And if I choose holistic approach then it’s my choice.
Why the treatment takes so long for you? You must be doing something wrong! You are not looking after yourself properly.
Treatment lasts a different amount of time for each person. Just because the most popular form of medication has terrific results for most, it doesn’t mean it’s going to be the right choice for me. It takes a long time to find a right form of medication or even right form of therapy. It just takes time. I assure you – none of us want to be like this. We just want ‘old us’ back as much as you do, but there’s no magical fix for anyone. Your attitude is making it harder if you don’t stop asking questions like this. Most of us already are blaming ourselves for not being good enough or being ‘useless’ at everything as loss of self-esteem is a common symptom of depression. Give us time and be patient. On average it takes 10 years for a person with depression to even ask for help. Every number below is a massive achievement, not a given.
Your partner/parent/friend is not your therapist. Stop stressing them out.
Um, bye. Call me high maintenance but I expect my partner/parent/friend to be there for me. Otherwise, I don’t really want them in my life. I know my value as a person and I know I would do the same for them – be there and take some pressure off as much as I could, so why should I settle for any less myself? Even though I’m depressed, I’m the same deserving, loving and generous human being as I used to be before. That doesn’t make me defective or broken.
I don’t believe in depression.
Which century do you live in? Have you checked a number of suicides every year due to depression or undiagnosed depression? That’s real. That’s very real. I’m not going to sugar coat it. Do you think those people kill themselves for fun? No, they see the suicide as the only option of getting out of painful, severe depression. Put your Easter Bunny metaphor on that and see if it doesn’t leave a bad aftertaste.
I think you are doing it just for attention.
I’m not going to lie – in some instances, people are addicted to attention and some of them do have a depression, but depression itself is not a choice, nor it means you going to want attention. Oh, yeah, sure, I choose to stay at home and in bed all days because I want attention. From who, sorry? Spiders living in my airing cupboard? Or nosy neighbors gossiping about how I never leave a house. Yeah, mate, the life of my dreams.
I’ve got it worse than you, you don’t deserve to have a depression
Oh, yeah, because my depression needs to be validated by every single human being I come in contact with every day! Because it’s a reward, I get to deserve if I’ve been through enough? A straight up toxic way of thinking.
If you struggle with a mental disorder, remember: it’s just another variation of an attitude of a person who will try to control you by awakening in you a desire for their validation. For your sake – either limit the amount or eliminate those people from your life, at least for the time being of recovery and before getting back in touch, make sure that you got some anchor to your self-esteem, so it’s not easily distorted by their attitude.
You don’t look depressed.
Right! So for your pleasure, I should wear raggedy clothes, have a messy flat and wear no makeup, besides of big mascara teardrop stains on my face on the daily basis? It’s not quite like that, although that’s indeed how some of the people might look like with depression. For the majority of us, we just look normal. You know why? Because by struggling with depression for some time we have become masters of putting up the front of being happy, “normal” and well adjusted. Makes sense? Yup, I thought so.
So, hope you found something that you can relate to if you struggle with depression – you are not alone if you ever heard any of those because – ME TOO! It all comes from a place of ignorance, but it’s not your duty or not your problem to educate people who sometimes maybe are just looking for an excuse to drop hanging out with you. That’s fine – you will find other friends.
If you ever said something like that to someone with depression, hope now you won’t do it again and hope you did apologize.
Any other person who came here to educate yourself about this hard disease to live with – THANK YOU. It’s important to spread awareness.
Thanks for reading!